And again...

No dinner company tonight. Mitzie and her boyfriend cancelled, once again, at the last minute. No real explaination this time, just "really busy." Sigh.
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She hinted as maybe after February 4th, but I won't be telling BabyGirl about it until there's a knock at the door next time.
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My poor Sweet Pea was in a foul mood all last week, with lots of shouts of "Nothing EVER goes the way I want it to!" at the smallest disappointment. It's funny though: her acting out was at school this time, rather than at home as it usually happens. At home, aside from minor skirmishes, she's been practically angelic. She expressed her gratitude frequently. After screwing up something (picking up dog poop, not cleaning her breakfast dishes, etc.) rather than throwing a snit, her response was, "You're right. I forgot. I'll take care of it right away."
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Was she being especially sweet with us because she was trying to "get back" at Mitzie? Was she worried that if she acted out, would we make an adoption plan and send her on to someone else?
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One of the worst parts of being a parent by adoption is never really knowing if certain behaviors are adoption-related or just kid-related. I hate that part.

Sigh

It's been pretty quiet here for the last few months. After getting a good dose of courage from Barb over at http://www.kaldiboo.blogspot.com/, I decided to try once again to bring BabyGirl's first mom back into her life.
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We texted a bunch of times, BabyGirl sang a Happy Birthday video on my cell phone and we sent it over, Mitzie and BabyGirl have texted back and forth. After a doing this since Thanksgiving when Raoul gave us Mitzie's latest cell phone number, we took the plunge and invited Mitzie and her boyfriend over for dinner. BabyGirl got excited, made plans, cleaned her room (!), created special artwork; Mr. Handsome and I planned a lovely meal. We were all looking forward to seeing them tonight.
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And she cancelled this morning for what seems like a reasonable reason. But still.
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It's so heartbreaking for BabyGirl.
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Her behavior has completely gone to hell and it'll be that way for the next few days as she processes her disappointment and pain. In the quiet moments, we'll get to talking about what's really bothering her, but until then, she's going to be a giant pain as she feels this new pain so acutely. We'll cut her slack because she's got a lot on her emotional plate right now, but we still, nonetheless, have to hold her to behavior standards.
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My heart breaks for the both of them: for BabyGirl who feels rejected and betrayed again, for Mitzie who just can't seem to step out of her own pain and disappointment to reach out to the extraordinary girl she helped create.
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Hopefully, our rescheduled dinner for next weekend will happen. Fingers crossed.