Thursday, January 15, 2009

All these questions

This morning, Mr. Handsome and I both woke up after sleeping fitfully.
We agreed to consider considering adopting our son should he become available for adoption. There are so many questions about how much damage has been done to him. The grandma told me it was a borderline torture situation. I'm 45, my husband is about to be 48. Are we able to take on a potentially severely damaged little boy? My husband--the only income earner--works for Chrysler and who knows how long that will be around? Is it fair to our daughter to take on this challenge? I'm sure, if a child were born to us with all these potential complications, we'd love him and raise him to the best of our abilities--but he wasn't born to us. We do have a choice. I don't know if voicing my concerns and hesitency is politically correct or not, but they're mine and they're valid.
Heck. I'm just getting my own life back again now that BabyGirl is almost 8. I'm on a museum board, I'm working on a book of local architecture, I'm loving being a room mom at her school. Am I nuts to even think about taking this on? Our life is pretty good, the three of us, why would we even think of adding this huge complication? We always said that if we had to parent a screwed up kid, that at least we wanted to be the ones doing the screwing up, not having to clean up someone else's mess. And here's a mighty big mess that needs attention.
But part of me also thinks that I really don't have a choice, either. He was my little boy for 124 days. What's a mom to do?

1 comment:

Jayne said...


How terrible.

Your concerns are indeed valid.

However, you do think of him as your son. You had him his first 124 days. If he had been kidnapped (which in a way he was), had this happen to him and were returned to you, you would still love him and want him, I am sure.

Still, it is a very, very difficult situation and the one walking in those shoes is the only one who can listen to her heart, mind and family and make a very hard decision.

Good luck.

I am curious, though, is his inability to walk for very long a temporary issue from his injuries, or is it a permanent disability? I am just sick that a person can do this to a child at all - no matter if it is a biological child or not.