Thursday, August 10, 2006

Daycamp, Day 4

So BabyGirl is off at daycamp, it's after 10am, and I'm still sitting here like a lump. Spun through the tv channels only to realize there's still nothing on, then found the energy to break that spell. So now I'm wasting time on the computer. What I should be doing is taking a shower and getting ready for yoga at noon. I'm simply at a loss with an empty house or how to motivate myself as a grown-up and not a mom. Does that make any sense?

I quit work about a year before BabyGirl came home and managed to amuse myself pretty well then, but I was in graduate school (again) so I had something productive to do with my time. I finished that second master's in April 2005 (three weeks after our 4th baby came home) and now I'm adrift with my 6-hours of daily solo time this week. I'm actually glad daycamp is done tomorrow! I've defined myself as a stay-at-home mom for so long, I'm not sure what my grown-up self-definition is anymore. I think I know, but I'm pretty terrified of stepping out there again. I opted to leave my former industry to train for one I actually care about, so, in the unlikely event that I'm able to find part-time work in my new field, I'll be the new kid. At 42.

So I ask, how does a reasonably-intelligent formerly-working woman begin to become a grown-up again, separate from my baby bird who is quickly getting ready to leave the nest? After all, next month is kindergarten, next year is college, right?

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